Can I coach my partner?
Video transcript:
So let's say you're getting into coaching,
you've learnt some coaching skills,
perhaps you've done a few courses,
perhaps you've been practising with
a few colleagues and things like that.
And then the possibility of,
your partner perhaps says,
"this sounds like a good thing
this coaching, why don't
you try it out on me?"
The question arises,
can you coach your partner?
Now, the answer to that is yes
you can but I would be cautious.
If the coaching issue is about something
to do with the relationship between
the two of you, you're both involved
in some way, even for the best coaches
it's very difficult to separate
yourself completely outside
of that and purely coach.
One trick I would say when you're
working with your partner
to help solve a problem,
deal with an issue, or something like that,
is give them three choices
or ask which of the three methods
you'd like when they come to you.
Do you want me to just listen
to the issue so you can just
talk it out as extroverts
need to do for example,
and I'll listen and make
encouraging noises.
Do you want me to solve the problem?
Which is a classic male,
female divide apparently.
I don't think that's necessarily
true all the time. The idea
is that men like to solve problems
and women like to talk about them
which is a lot of rubbish in most cases
but is helpful in this context.
Do you want me to help solve this problem?
Or do you want coaching?
Do you want me to act as a coach,
to ask questions, to help you move forward,
to help you clarify accountability
and responsibility and so on around this issue?
So think of it terms of those three things.
Can you coach your partner?
Be careful if it's a personal
issue between the two of you.
Really tricky to do.
Have a conversation rather than
try and coach each other around it.
Get a third party to help mediate
between the two of you if it's a really
serious thing that keeps
getting you tied up in knots.
But if you do think it's something
you can tackle watch out for those
three possibilities. One is just listen.
Another one is solve the problem.
And the third one is coach.
What is it your partner is
actually asking you to do.
Right, I hope that's helpful.
Let me know what you think
in the comments below.
I'd be really interested to hear.
